Anonymous asked: where's the double update you promised? you're nothing but a phony
((I was unable to double update due to *mishaps*))
((I was having sex.))
((Lots of sex))
Anonymous asked: Jadesprite: Fuck a dude in the ass, I don't care which as long as it's a guy. It's my fetish, you see. Love, Batlord.
((the joke is that Batlord is actually reading this you silly))
>Rose: Deepthroat NAME REDACTED’s massive cock
Meanwhile, Something similar happens to a person of very similar genetics…
>Jadesprite: Finish up with the Condesce, and pick someone else to “make friends” with.
You are now JADESPRITE! That fishy friend was fun, but she sure did yell and squirm a lot! You see an old friend poking his head out of the wall. You never got a chance to play with him in your own adventure, so you decide to MAKE UP FOR LOST TIME! You’re sure he loves this game already!
>sollux: shit bees at march eridan and eridan while plowing the handmaid.
You are now SOLLUX. All of this off screen sex you’ve been having has made you a little distracted, not to mention not fully in control of your bodily facilities. As you reach orgasm, your anal fortress suddenly launches attack on ERIDAN and MARCH ERIDAN. You forgot all about those BEES IN YOUR ASS! Funny story behind that, actually.
ERIDAN and MARCH ERIDAN are PANICKING, as would anyone after having a hive of live bees shat at them.
>Dave: Stroke your below average sized dick.
You begin to stroke your AVERAGE SIZED DICK. It would be average sized on a regular sized person, but in your proportions, it’s far more impressive looking. And you wouldn’t have it any other way. You look out, watching all the various SEXUAL ACTS before you. It’s like a goddamn FUCK BUFFET in there. Your focus jumps between ROSE and NAME RETRACTED and THE CONDESCE and JADESPRITE. You couldn’t just pick one. That would be UNFAIR.
>Dave: Feel wincestuously toward what’s going on.
You are now DAVE, the protagonist of ASSSTUCK: ROUND TWO. The logical part of your brain screams at you, relentless to remind you that ROSE IS YOUR SISTER, DUDE. But the rest of you DON’T GIVE A SHIT. Your OCHINCHIN begins to go DOKI DOKI.
The room behind you goes dark and feels ODDLY WARM. It also sort of smells like UNWASHED BALLS. You continue to NOT GIVE A SHIT and watch ROSE instead.
The film won’t really be based on Assstuck. Jeez.
((That’s too bad. We could have had a beautiful thing together, HomestuckPornParody.))
Anonymous asked: You heinous fucker. You made a blog about unforgivable homestuck porn and called it ASSSTUCK. Do you have any idea how hard it is to pronounce three s's in a row? Why not buttstuck? rumpstuck? Rumpstuck would have been nice and topical. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO FAP WHILE YOUR BRAIN IS CONSTANTLY THINKING "Sssstuck? Ass Tuck? Sasstuck?" Fuck you. Draw more porn please.
((I am deeply sorry about your apparent lisp.))